Yesterday (March 8th) I went in for my check-up, if you didn't know, I am am seeing a midwife every month, and will be delivering my baby in a birthing center, set up to look like your having your baby at home (it's actually very nice). I was really excited about going to this place, because of all the good things I had read about it, and the person who started it (Jenny Joseph), who I have yet to meat. Yesterday I left the office feeling a little unsettled, kind of like one of many cattle who they are running through the system, I feel like I'm not getting much choice. I think it begins with my expectations, because they didn't exactly meet those, I feel a little disappointed (which is my fault). One of the reasons I am going there is because I wanted to avoid some of the things that I would have to go through at a hospital, which I now feel that I am not avoiding.
On top of all that, I found out I have a "venous lake" in my placenta, which is a pocket of "mommy's" blood in the placenta where nutrition is supposed to be getting to the baby, not the mother's blood. It is actually not that big of a deal, because I only have one, but I was required to see a doctor, and he was telling me how I need to be getting ultra sounds every 4-6 weeks to make sure it doesn't get bigger, and he said a lot of other things to kind of freak me out. I personally feel that the radiation in ultra sounds are bad for baby's, so I don't want to do many more, but I probably will have one more to make sure everything is ok. Anyway, I know this "venous lake" has not effected my baby in the last month, because she has been booming in size. I trust that God's going to take care of me.
From our appointment TJ and I drove to our little french bakery we always eat at after my appointments, and I just sat there in the car and cried, because I wanted to the best for my baby girl, and didn't feel like I was getting that.
But God is so good, you know what? In the end it's not about what is worrying me up a wall, or that my expectations are not being met, it's whether or not I can trust the God who made the heavens and the earth, if I can trust the God who gave me this little baby girl, that he will do with her what he pleases. HE has a plan and a purpose for our lives, and I have a consistent, loving God who I can cast my fears upon, and he will never fail me.
1 comment:
I know how frustrating having "complications" can be. I've been told that my baby isn't going to make it, I've been told that my baby is going to make it. I've been told to rest and not to rest. The only thing I have found comfort in is that the God of the universe is in control- knitting my baby together, and if he doesn't make it, God has a reason.
Keep strong. You are at viability now, so if something goes wrong, at least your little one has a chance at survival!
I will be praying for you guys!
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