28 weeks! God's grace in my life

This is the beginning of my 3rd trimester... only 3 months to go! Crazy.
I had my midwife appointment last week, and now I will be going every two weeks instead of once a month, which is kind of exciting because that tells me I'm getting closer. Although at this point I'm not just dying for the baby to come out, I am enjoying the time I have with TJ because I know that soon enough that little person will be taking a lot of our time. :) We are also attending our bradley birthing classes on Monday night, and really are learning a lot.

On another note these past couple weeks have been sort of life changing for me, in the things that God is teaching me. I would say that in the past couple years I have doubted my salvation, but it really comes down to doubting God. The main way I do this is comparing my spirituality with other people, and deciding whether or not my story is good enough to save me, whether or not my experience is good enough. (God tells us not to compare ourselves with other men)

So for the last while God has really been showing me myself. I have noticed how every single thing I do is from a selfish motive. I know that sounds funny, but even if I am trying to do something good for someone else it comes back to me trying to so hard to be a better person, it has nothing to do with that other person. I have tried and tried, I have asked God to help me change the way I act, and my thoughts, basically to make me a "better" person.

I have seen God change people, and I have wanted that for myself, I have seen amazing things that God has done, and have strongly desired to be apart of that, and have begged God for that.
But you know what? I can't change myself, God is the only one who can truly change me, He is the only one who changes people's hearts. I can't do that with my own strength, I've been trying to change myself for a long time now, asking God to do it. It is in His timing, and He will put you where He wants you, and change your heart when it needs to be changed.

Everyday to varying degrees I would struggle with this, feeling kind of beaten down, and alot of these things came to my mind when I was sitting at my friend's (Steve and Betsy) home during a bible study one night. We were talking about community in Christ and what it looks like for us all to interact with Christ in us. And for some reason God was just speaking to me. And the next night at church Pastor Barron was talking about how God is very clear on what he is convicting you about, and I thought WOW! God is not a God of confusion, and what I have been experiencing... this almost despair, feeling like I've been beat down and can't get up, this spirit of confusion I've been experiencing is not from God, it is from another source. I know that sounds like a simple thing but that truth hit me really hard.

After all this making so much sense to me, I have felt so free, it's inexplainable. It's settling to know that I can't change myself, and my constant selfishness. Everything I am is God's and He is the only one who can change me, and I'm trusting Him for that. Jesus Christ died for my sin, my selfishness, and my sin doesn't have to take over my life because He lives in me, and He will be reflected in what I do, because of what he has done for me.

Registered

I wanted to let any of you who know want to contribute to our little girl Shropshire that we are registered at Target, and Babies Rus. I think I prefer the things we registered for at babies Rus, but if that doesn't work for you, that's why we registered at Target too. Those are both under either Lily or TJ Shrophshire
And on a side note, we have a round crib, and apparently sheets and matress pads have to be ordered specially, so if you felt that wanted to get any sheets or matress pad for our crib, that would also be greatly appreciated. :)

The address we would like things shipped to is

TJ and Lily Shropshire
4645 Alan Shepard Ave
Cocoa Fl 32926

26 weeks!

The weeks really are flying by, and as far as my pregnancy there is not much more I can tell you, it did make my first set of curtains, and I washed and creatively hung some old embroidered kitchen towels my aunt Suzie gave me.
TJ has had more work in the last couple of weeks which is nice, we need that.
I attended 2 baby showers on Saturday, it seems to be baby season around here... :)
We had a fun night Sunday night with our youth group, we've been working hard getting ready for the Youth Sunday that is now postponed because TJ got really sick (he was supposed to preach). Sometimes it is a little bit discouraging because not a lot of kids come to Youth Group, or sometimes people just don't show up that we thought would come. But we also know God has there who he wants there, and will teach them what they should know, this is God's work, and that is something we have to remind ourselves of.

Also this week my brother Del and his wife Arielle had their little baby boy, Ezra Simeon Griffith 8lbs 12oz. She had a rough go of it, but I think she is healing slowly day by day, but we are excited and happy about the healthy little boy.

25 weeks

This past week has been fairly uneventful. TJ and I hung out on Friday, and we had such a good time. We ate some Mexican food, watched to sunset, got some Starbucks, people watched, and talked, it was a really great night, I treasure those times with him.

This week I talked with the midwife (Jennie Joseph) who started the birth center that I go to. I had let her know some of my concerns through and email, and so on Saturday, she called me, and we talked for about 45 minutes. She is a really amazing lady, she loves the Lord, and she really wants the best for the pregnant ladies that come to her center. She shared with me how it all started, and the different things God layed on her heart to do with this Birth Center. So even though things are a little rocky right now, I know that she is trusting God, and making active steps to make the birth place a wonderful place to have your baby. I was very encouraged by the end of our conversation. I am really supportive of her vision, and love for what she does.
And it is very likely that she will be delivering my baby... :)

24 Weeks!

The weeks are honesty flying by. Right now, this time is what I always imagined what being pregnant would be like, I am not experiencing tons of different side effects, and I am really enjoying just carrying my baby girl. I look down, and I see there is a belly with a little person inside, who reminds me that she's there with her constant jabs. And there is the constant anticipation of what she will look like, and what she will act like. She will have her own personality, her own little attitude (I just know it!), and I pray all the time that she will want to serve God with her whole heart.
I am having fun fixing up her room, and washing and sorting the baby clothes people are giving me (her). This phase of pregnancy is going by really fast because I am loving it so much.
Because I am feeling better, I am also enjoying the time I have with TJ right now, knowing that soon someone will be taking up a lot of our time... :)

23 weeks ~2 much 2 tell~

Yesterday (March 8th) I went in for my check-up, if you didn't know, I am am seeing a midwife every month, and will be delivering my baby in a birthing center, set up to look like your having your baby at home (it's actually very nice). I was really excited about going to this place, because of all the good things I had read about it, and the person who started it (Jenny Joseph), who I have yet to meat.

Yesterday I left the office feeling a little unsettled, kind of like one of many cattle who they are running through the system, I feel like I'm not getting much choice. I think it begins with my expectations, because they didn't exactly meet those, I feel a little disappointed (which is my fault). One of the reasons I am going there is because I wanted to avoid some of the things that I would have to go through at a hospital, which I now feel that I am not avoiding.

On top of all that, I found out I have a "venous lake" in my placenta, which is a pocket of "mommy's" blood in the placenta where nutrition is supposed to be getting to the baby, not the mother's blood. It is actually not that big of a deal, because I only have one, but I was required to see a doctor, and he was telling me how I need to be getting ultra sounds every 4-6 weeks to make sure it doesn't get bigger, and he said a lot of other things to kind of freak me out. I personally feel that the radiation in ultra sounds are bad for baby's, so I don't want to do many more, but I probably will have one more to make sure everything is ok. Anyway, I know this "venous lake" has not effected my baby in the last month, because she has been booming in size. I trust that God's going to take care of me.

From our appointment TJ and I drove to our little french bakery we always eat at after my appointments, and I just sat there in the car and cried, because I wanted to the best for my baby girl, and didn't feel like I was getting that.

But God is so good, you know what? In the end it's not about what is worrying me up a wall, or that my expectations are not being met, it's whether or not I can trust the God who made the heavens and the earth, if I can trust the God who gave me this little baby girl, that he will do with her what he pleases. HE has a plan and a purpose for our lives, and I have a consistent, loving God who I can cast my fears upon, and he will never fail me.

22 Weeks

This week I have spent with my brother, Barry, his wife Helen, and my little baby niece, Bella, who I mainly came to see. She is the most adorable thing, I cannot keep my hands and eyes off of her. I have enjoyed the time I have spent with her, and will miss her until the next time I see her... :(
It has also been really nice to hang out with Barry, and Helen, I haven't ever come just to see them before. We have been eating sleeping, watching the olympics, and playing with the baby.

My parents and other brother Bobby and his girlfriend Sarah came up on Saturday, So it has been really nice to spend quality time with family. I am in Fresno for the day, and going back to Sacramento tomorrow, but this visit has been really refreshing, and fun.
God has really blessed me in this time away, and He is teaching me some things too, so you can pray for me to be willing to learn what He has to teach me... :)

God bless you today.